10 THINGS YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT INTERRACIAL MARRIAGES

After the initial excitement and romance fade away married people soon realise they need to learn about each other's culture if they want to make things work.


Married to an African men I had to learn a lot of things in my married life that help me today. I have created this list for you to help you prepare before you get into your interracial marriage:


1. Most Nigerian men are dominant in the relationship. They don't like being challenged. So make your husband feel like he made the decision - even if that's not always the case lol

2. African men don't joke with religion. E.g.: if you say something like "I will die if I don't eat ice cream" they would say something like "don't confess your future with your mouth".....


3. Keep in mind. You are marrying the family not just your husband. So get ready to speak to your mother in law more often than your mum.- sorry mum


4. You need to respect elderly. In most African families they expect the "new wife" to greet older family member in the "proper way". That includes in most cases kneeling down when greeting.


5. African men needs African food. Thank God we have Youtube! It is possible for anybody to learn to cook African dishes and to be fair even European wives need to learn to cook these dishes since African men wouldn't go for long without e.g. egusi.


6. You need to become an entrepreneur. Nigerians are extremely fond of entrepreneurship. This is mainly because of the lack of jobs available on the market in their home country. In Nigeria every second person is trying to sell something and they will encourage others to do the same.
If you are married to one of these go-getters you need to start a business.

7. You will start speaking with your body. African people love using their hands and upper body to express themselves. Watch out. You will do the same soon.


8. Encouraging proper education. Most Nigerian parents know at an early age what their child will become as an adult. There is nothing wrong with helping your child to achieve great things in life but most babies barely know their name not that they will become doctors.


9. Discipline is very important. A typical African men would not let their children hang around after school on the street, at least not during term time. If child need discipline he will learn the African way.


10. And finally Sex is still the unspoken taboo that nobody dared to mention in most African culture. They think about it; they are doing it but they don't talk about it.

NIGERIAN MEN AND SEX

This is a NO NO topic. I don't even know how to start. Especially because I know my mother in law reads my blog. Sorry ma' lol


I really wanted to write about this topic as well on my blog because there are general misunderstandings in this topic; mainly because in African culture people rarely talk about this.

First of all, sex in NOT EVIL when it happens in marriage. It is an act that we have been given by God as a way of expressing our feelings and love towards our spouse. It is important to keep our marriage healthy in all areas of our life, even in our bedroom.


Sometimes married couple tend to forget about this God given pleasure when life gets too fast and -as we know- Nigerian men are high achievers.

We tend to become busy with work, children and hustling for money. Sometimes we even fast of sex as a way of achieving things. STOP.

Research shows that infrequent sex life can lead to serious marital issues and that can affect all areas of our life. The best way of treating bedroom issues is to try to become happier and healthier. I wrote about this previously -read it here-.

It is also worth to take care of yourself inside out. You need high concentration of proteins and vital nutrients for many functions in the body, including sexual and fertility functions.


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MEET OYINBO PRINCESS THAT SPEAKS PIDGIN ENGLISH FLUENTLY

I had the honour to meet Oyinbo Princess at My Green Gene event who speaks pidgin fluently, even better than some Nigerians also writes in pidgin despite she doesn’t live in Nigeria .

I am always pleased to meet oyinbo sisters as there are not many around. But Oyinbo Princess is my favourite because the love for Nigeria – and Nigerians – is evident in her voice. Oyinbo Princess is a typical British girl – born, raised and cultured in the UK. Both of her parents are British and she has no mix in her blood. She enjoys theatre and acting and she is also a comedian. I'm sure we will see a lot of her as she is currently working with Ben TV and several radio shows.

We love you loads Oyinbo Princess!

Please watch my interview with Oyinbo Princess but before that you should watch her video that has gone viral all over the internet , it’s titled “Omo See Yarnsh”

ENJOY!

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HOW TO GREET YORUBA ELDERS?

At the beginning of our relationship with my husband I had honestly no clue how important it is to greet elders "well". I remember when I first met my husband's grandma I was sweating like a pig ; not that I will remember anything I've been taught to do.

Now after almost three years of marriage I am much better, I am not as frightened and I am comfortable with kneeling down for elderly. I actually really enjoy that I know what to do. And I feel for other white girls who don't.

Anyway, if there is one lesson you need to take from this. PLEASE don't walk up to a Yoruba elder and shake their hand. That is extremely rude and embarrassing.
Make sure you respect your husband's family just as you respect your parents. Trust me it will pay off.

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HOW TO KEEP YOUR NIGERIAN HUSBAND INTERESTED IN MARRIAGE?

This blog post is dedicated to my friend that asked my advice on how to keep Nigerian husband -or any husband- interested in a relationship.

A lot of people think that African men like bigger ladies. This not true or maybe partly. It really depends on your man. Some man like skinny chicks , some don't.

However, there are a few things that all Naija wives can do to keep their men interested:

First of all you want your man to be attracted to you for ever. You need to package yourself well. How do you do that? I'm sure all women know the power of dressing beautifully, smelling nicely, talking gently. Your man will go crazy if you do that. But this is just part of the story.


A lot of women change once they got married; they feel they arrived , they achieved what their parents wanted them to achieve for a long time. They have a nice husband that loves them. The only thing they forget is that their husband fell in love with them because of the way they behaved , looked and treated them during dating.

The same way they fell in love with you for this reason they can fall out for the opposite. If you stop looking after yourself and you don't treat your husband well he won't be happy.


I had to realise that keeping fit and slim is extremely important in our marriage. It makes my husband feeling proud to be married to me and of course it makes me happier , too. I always make sure to eat healthy enough fruits and vegetables and if I need to I go through a 9 days cleansing programme to feel better I do that with a smile on my face. Read about the cleansing programme here.

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HAPPY FATHER'S DAY AKA LET'S TALK ABOUT NIGERIAN FATHERS

First of all, HAPPY FATHER'S DAY my dear husband!

This is the day when we can celebrate the great values that Nigerian fathers are instilling in their children.

There are great values in Nigerian upbringing such as pushing for good education. Education is one thing my husband never compromises upon. My husband has selected my son's nursery very carefully. Read about that here.

And of course the love of Bible is one of the best values my husband is encouraging my son to achieve.

There are little hiccups, though. Sorry my dear :)

When my son was born my husband tried to create a "man-God" relationship between him and his offspring. I was furious at first because this is a difficult thing to see as a mother. I mean at the end of the day my son was a baby at the time and my husband is a 6ft 3" giant. I am not against my husband being a strict disciplinarian because I think children need to grow up as respectful human beings but there is a border in this ...enough said.

So we had to talk about it and we did. We had to find a balance between Godliness and Fatherhood. Now I can tell my son really respect his father but he's not scared of him.

Nigerian fathers would also always make sure their children eat well and keep healthy all year round. There are several African remedies my husband uses and he also gives my children natural Vitamins that supports overall health. You can read about that here.

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1930s INSPIRED WHITE NAIJA GIRL SHOOT

The above video is made by MagnumN3 Productions, Manchester. I, White Naija Girl is starring the short film with my son. I hope you will like it as we worked really hard to make this happen. Special thanks to my sister in law Temitope Job for the make up and my husband Olugbenga Afolabi for the video.

In order to make these films I need to make sure to keep my skin healthy and glowing. I only use natural product such as Aloe Cleanser, Sonya Eye Makeup Remover and Recovering Night Creme.

Read more about these in my shop.

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ABOUT MOTHERHOOD

Having my children is  one is the best thing ever happened to me. My first child's name is Kornelius and even his name was a gift of God. He made me the person I am today and he made me even White Naija Girl. He made me interested in African culture and become a  role model for some interracial families.

He is an active child. he makes me really busy and fit and I can not complain about that. I have definitely lost my baby weight. quickly after birth. Especially because that was the time when I was also  introduced to the Forever C9 programme. Read more about that here.

But of course  motherhood has its disadvantages as well. E.g. last night I felt very upset when I've been told that I cannot attend an event because I coudln't  find child care. I had the same feeling when we worked out how much we spent on baby sitter when we had to travelled  last year. Sometimes I feel like my whole life is around dirty nappies and bad eyes in the supermarket because my child is screaming for biscuits.
This is something I have not known of when I was planning to become a mum.
Restrictions! Too many restrictions!

I'm not saying children are not blessings but sometimes I would like to have less restrictions and more fun.

I found this song on the Internet that tells it all. Enjoy.
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WHIITE NAIJA GIRL TEACHES GERMAN IN LITTLEWAYS DAY NURSERY

Studying in Hungary as a teenager I was "forced " to learn two international languages in Secondary Grammar school. I have studied German and English but surprisingly I wasn't great at English. I preferred speaking and studying German as I love the structure in the language. English is a bit "too free" for me. They are not as many grammatical rules as in German and "we just have to say it like that "- said my English teacher a lot.

So I ended up going to uni and studying German and Dutch as my main subjects. To demonstrate how unpredictable life is I relocated to England straight after uni. It is only just recently that I have started thinking about practising my German a bit more and giving back a bit.

As a result I started to teach my children and their cousin a few German nursery rhymes. It wasn't too long after this that my son's nursery manager -who is also from Nigeria- became interested in the German lessons. Now I teach German weekly in Littleways Day Nursery, Levenshulme Manchester and I can proudly say that I am giving back ..

I also have to say that this nursery is really a fantastic place for children. You might know that I value healthy lifestyle a lot. I always make sure my children eat well and their brain and body gets enough exercise. In this nursery children are always occupied and they always get the most nutricious meals.
All I do is just supplement this with Forever multivitamins and I love the peace of mind. Contact me for more details here 

HOW TO KEEP FIT WHEN PREGNANT?

Being pregnant is a wonderful experience and if you are married to a Nigerian man you will have a few pregnancies in your life...lol

Keeping fit during pregnancy is very important because you need to be strong enough get on with life especially in the last semester of your pregnancy. There are different ways of make yourself strong inside out. This is what you can do.

During the first twelve weeks of your pregnancy, all the child’s vital organs are formed., so we should focus on curing any ongoing infections.

Later on in the second trimester it is extremely important to avoid nutrient deficiencies. My friend who is a doctor recommended me to drink Aloe Vera Gel and consuming Nature-Min daily that apparently is proved to be very beneficial when dealing with nutrient deficiencies. First I was sceptical a bit but I gave it a try and I have to say, this is probably the best investment you can make in you pregnancy. - Contact me for more details here.


The scary thing about this period is that everything now depends on the mother’s diet, which should be normal with just a few possible modifications. First and foremost, meals should be varied and should include something from each of the food groups in order to ensure the consumption of all essential nutrients. Meals may also be enriched with additional portions of protein, fruits and vegetables. During the later stages of the pregnancy, meals should be smaller and more frequent. This can help us avoid heartburn, painful bloating and intestinal colic.

Exercise is also important. However, please note: heavy weights shouldn't be used when pregnant, because you could end up hurting yourself and your baby. Try to do 3 sets of exercises with 15 reps each. Rest periods should be quite short. Keep rest periods between 2 to 3 minutes.

My training program included light weight training along with cardio. I've included all the major body parts, except for the abdominals and the lower back muscles. I don't think it's safe to train these two muscle groups when pregnant.
Another thing that is important to mention is that a lot of pregnant women have is back pain. This is mainly because 25-30 pounds of weight is gained during pregnancy, with most of the weight distributed around the abdominal area.

One of the best cardiovascular activities pregnant women can do is swimming. Swimming can help strengthen your heart muscles and also improve oxygen delivery to the muscles. Swimming also strengthens your shoulder and abdominal muscles, and it reduces high blood pressure and joint stiffness.

After all, the skin must tightly stretch in order to cover the growing belly. Drinking plenty of water is the best, natural way to prevent stretch marks. Breasts should also be treated with care, as they will enlarge as well.


Below you can see supplementation that I recommend before and during pregnancy. Take a look pregnancy is a time of your life when you cannot take risks, can you. Happy pregnancy!

Aloe Vera Gel – recommended a few months before pregnancy to cleanse and prepare woman’s body for pregnancy
Forever Lite Ultra – two shakes provide 100% RDI of numerous vitamins and minerals; Forever Lite Ultra® supplies the 18 important amino acids, including essential, non-essential and the branch-chain amino acids
Nature-Min – provides minerals and trace minerals in a perfectly balanced ratio for maximum efficiency; contains trace minerals from natural sea bed deposit; can prevent postpartum depression or hair loss
Arctic Sea – contains a proprietary blend of DHA-rich Calamari Oil, ultra-pure Omega-3 Fish Oil and High Oleic Olive Oil (Omega-3 is vital for proper brain development of a baby)
Fields of Green – can help supplement or increase hemoglobin levels, while also having a positive effect on digestion.

Contact me for orders here.


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WHITE NAIJA GIRL ORGANISES OSUN FILM FESTIVAL NIGERIA

My husband was accidentally born in Osun state, Nigeria because his mum decided to travel there for the weekend only a few weeks before her due date. As a result of my husband's strong affection for the land of his birth, he envisioned himself giving back.

His dream is to create a film festival that will rival Raindance, Sundance, London, Cannes and New York film festival and give opportunities to young people who are genuinely interested in media production. Seems like a tall order given that our bank balance is “overflowing”.

I guess the cat is out of the bag, but we believe it will happen by the grace of God. Check out our first promo video for Osun film festival and remember that this post is to let you and your contacts know that we are in need of financial, technical and logistic support to be able to create Osun Film Festival in Oshogbo. The dream is that the first edition will take place this year in Oshogbo, which means we have very little time to prepare.

Every support and suggestions will be welcomed. Please watch and SHARE THIS POST with your network, let’s make Osun Film Festival happen.

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OSUN FILM FESTIVAL PROMO VIDEO HERE

7 THINGS NEVER TO SAY TO PARENTS OF MIXED-RACE CHILDREN

Once my husband asked me if I  have ever thought that  I will have mixed-race children"....well, the thing is ....what I have really not expected was all the comments people told me in the past few years about my children.

I mean, I kind of got over the fact that my children are considered to be "only black" or "only white" depending on the location they are at at the time. In the UK they are black, however in Nigeria they are oyinbo (white).

 But I really have not expected the other comments I got. I have collected a few of them for you just to give you an idea.

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1. you are so lucky that your children have light skin.

2. what did you feel when you saw a black child coming out of you? (my daughter looked very dark when she was born)

3. You are so lucky. Mixed race children are so much cuter.

4. Did your husband ever doubted they are his children? (My children are quite light skinned now.)

5. "But what kind of life are they going to have" - a Hungarian old lady on the way to Hungary

6. What did your mum say when you announced you will marry a black guy.

7. Oh, dear good luck with combing their hair.

8. I love half-cast children, too. (In many countries -including Hungary- people still call mixed race children half-cast)

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POINTING WITH LIPS

It is well known that many Nigerians have been blessed with full, plump lips.  What some of you might not know is that they can use these lips pointing as well.

If you are married to a Nigerian, you have probably witnessed your husband using his lips to point to something. 

Why waste energy using your voice or silly fingers, when God has blessed people with lips to do the job! But you know what is insane? That my son started to use his lips at a very early age, too.

Check this out and don't forget to share my  FACEBOOK PAGE and follow me on TWITTER for regular updates!

Enjoy.

I FOUND MYSELF A CHEERLEADER!!!

I cannot THANK GOD enough to give me a supportive husband. He is my rock in struggle , my African king. I dedicate this song for you, babe. I think most wife want a supportive husband. I love you even though you are not a mind reader....:)

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KILO LESE - PRAISE SONGS

Nigerian people love church. They love going to church, boasting about which church they go to, which church they started, how many uncles they know are pastors – and of course – singing praise songs any chance they can get.



As a Nigerian man's wife, you already know this: any function is a function fit for God, so at your wedding, at your birthday, and at your graduation, you better be prepared for some worship. After all the guests arrive mother in law steps up and says: “Today our daughter/son is a graduate! ". What begins as a normal speech slowly turns into: “… and we thank you Jesus for everything…” Which, of course, quickly becomes a chorus of everyone’s favorite: “… oh Lord I am very very grateful!” And so it starts.

As a Nigerian man's wife I even went further and joined the choir in church. I'm always amazed how many songs Nigerians know; I'm still struggling to learn all the songs that we're singing in service. As for Yoruba ones my favorite is Kilo lese Olorun mi. :)

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P-SQUARE HAS SAVED MY LIFE

The child screams. Breakfast need to wait because plates and cutlery disappeared from the kitchen. Somebody stole all the socks from the wardrobe and you should be on your way to work. This is the point when I say. AWWWWWW. It is well.

Sometimes we get fed up. I “personally” get fed up “drastically” when I am under too much pressure. But you know what I had to develop a way to cope with life to show good example to my children….and of course to stay healthy. So I look for “the thing within my mind” and I “ see myself dancing”

No seriously, I would grab the next possible opportunity and I would dance crazily to P-Square Personally song.

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Trust me it can save lives.

NIGERIAN GO-GETTERS

The Nigerian man is a natural hustler, they go out in the morning and come back in the evening, they don't usually get fed up with wealth acquisition, that is the one thing women seem to like so much about Nigerian men.

 They take responsibility and make sure their family as well as their woman is well taken care of.
Of course we all know generalisation is not right but as far as I can see the above statement is well true in most cases.
What do you think?

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I FEEL NIGERIAN

KEEP YOUR HEART HAPPY!!!!!

Remember that your heart is a muscle. If you want it to be strong, you need to exercise it.

• How do you do it? By being active in a way that gets you huffing and puffing, like jumping rope, dancing, or playing basketball. My favorite way of exercise is dancing for uplifting Christian music. Try it! You won't regret it!

• Try to be active every day for at least 30 minutes! An hour would be even better for your heart!

• Eat a variety of healthy foods and avoid foods high in unhealthy fats, such as saturated fats and trans fats (reading the labels on foods can help you figure out if your favorite snacks contain these unhealthy ingredients). 

• Palm oil is not an ideal food for your heart. I know, I know, Nigerians love it. But please abeg, reduce the amount of oil you use When I first saw my husband using palm oil in egusi I was shocked. Please don't use too much of it, my sister/brother.

• Try to eat at least five servings of fruits and vegetables each day.

• Avoid sugary soft drinks and fruit drinks.

• Don't smoke. It can damage the heart and blood vessels.

• 
  

NIGERIAN LOVE

Nigerians are rarely comfortable with public display of affection, e.g kissing and verbal declaration of love; and neither are they comfortable with open and public discussions of abortion or sex.

Being grown up in Hungary, Central Europe I found it challenging to accept that my husband is not naturally interested in candlelight dinners, flower giving, romantic walk by the lake or park.

True globalization and modernity and westernisation are impacting the Nigerian culture. In cities across Nigeria, these changes are noticeable; but over all, the effects of these changes are minimal. A Nigerian may be well read, well educated and well travelled, in the end though, he will be still under the influence of his culture.

So how is this culture clash solved in an interracial marriage??

Easy, people marry, not for the curiosity, but because they are bonded and are determined to make a success of the marriage institution; they are bonded by love and faith and a commitment to one another. I always say that marriage is a give and take. We do what you want today and we do as I wish tomorrow.

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NOLLYWOOD

The cinema of Nigeria , often referred to as Nollywood, grew quickly in the 1990s and 2000s and became the second largest film industry in the world in number of annual film productions, placing it ahead of the United States and behind only India. In 2013, it was rated as the third most valuable film industry in the world after generating a total revenue of NG₦1.72 trillion (US$10 billion)

What I found watching Nollywood is that they are highly addictive...lol....I love them.

But what is Nollywood. Watch this wonderful short documentary made by my husband

CLICK HERE TO WATCH THE VIDEO

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BELIEVE ME I WILL MAKE IT

Have you ever felt like you knew there is more out there for you? Have you ever heard a little voice telling you you will make it in life?....but you couldn't see anything just yet...

This is how entrepreneurship is, especially if you are an artist. I am not an artist myself but my husband is. He is a filmmaker, photographer working mainly as a freelancer.

I have always envied people who knew what they need to pursue in life and went for it. Even if money doesn't flow evenly.

J. K. Rowling for example struggled for years before she got famous with Harry Potter. At some point she was clinically depressed because of living in poverty as a single mother in Edinburgh.

As an artist you just have to keep working and believing yourself that the day will come when people will recognise your name in the industry. And your family need to be extremely patient during the process as we all know how important emotional support is.

If you are married to one of those Nigerians who has the proper business blood you know what I mean. You have to be patient and believe. I believe that my husband is an extremely talented artist with great attitude. He is friendly and intelligent and brilliant at networking. I am looking forward to the time when I will see his name on television.

I know the time is fast approaching....

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MY BOND MY GENE

Marriage is a journey...

I remember before I met my husband I had a list of criteria that I wanted my future husband to have.

I don't have my cheat sheet any more but I know I wanted a tall guy... I got it. I know I wanted an intelligent guy....I got it. I know I wanted to somebody that will support me in whatever I do....I got it.

I don't think it is coincidence. I believe you need to know in life what you want otherwise you get something else. Unsurprisingly, my favourite saying is "if you don't know where you are going how will you know when you have arrived"

It is true in my case. I knew who I wanted and God gave my husband to me. Of course you have to remember that sometimes you don't get what we want but what we NEED.

I for example I wanted somebody that can let me leave the conversation when there is a disagreement but my husband is a "Philosopher". He has studied Philosophy and trust me he knows how to convince you. Since I married to him he taught me that running away is not the best solution. We can achieve more by talking things through.

You see, I got what I NEEDED not what I wanted.

STAND FIRM, AND YOU WILL WIN LIFE Luke 21:19

Becoming Christian is one of the greatest thing that has happened to me after getting married.

Reading the Bible and living to it a great help in life. In fact I often feel like I found the instruction booklet to solve my problems.

What I really find promising is that I found the best way to raise my children, the Christian way. To my husband this is perfectly normal. He has been raised in Nigeria to a very religious father that would make him pray long hours EVERY DAY. He still remembers the memory verses that needed to be repeated every day. He can quote from the Bible for hours but most importantly he lives according to these teachings.

My case is completely different. I have been brought up in Hungary by agnostics and I had not opened the Bible in the first 24 years of my life.

As last week we celebrated Children's Day in our church - New Covenant Church Manchester- I was amazed by the children performing on stage. They were so natural and enthusiastic; I wish I had a foundation like them.

It is not a secret that New Covenant Church is a mainly Nigerian church and when it comes to religion Nigerians MEAN BUSINESS....I'm telling you.

It was in 2011 when I have first heard my future sister in law praying. To be very honest with you I felt scared. I thought she was fighting first but then I have realised she was praising God.

Now I wouldn't be scared any more because I know that different people have different ways to praise God. But I can tell that my Nigerian family would not joke with the Bible. They know it inside out without question. For instance, when I tell people in my church that my son is called Kornelius ; I do not have to explain who Kornelius was in the Bible. ................When we used to go to Church of England with my husband this wasn't evident.

All in all I love the fact that my son is singing Christian songs at breakfast and he's been raised the Nigerian Christian way.