CULTURAL DIFFERENCES IN NIGERIAN - HUNGARIAN MARRIAGE

I had a misunderstanding with my husband recently that happened undoubtedly because of cultural differences.  I thought I should write about it because I think people are interested what it is like to be in an interracial couple.
I'm from Hungary and my husband is Nigerian. I was raised in quite a modern European way. I was taught to have my say in anything and tell people if I think I can do things better. In my family there was nothing like an actual leader. My mum was good at financing so she let my dad know about it. My dad wasn't so good at it and he still wanted to deal with it. My mum always told me to express myself if I need to and make my own decisions. I and my sisters, we all chose our education ourselves, nobody forced us to do certain courses just to follow "a good advise".

My husband is from a polygamous home. His dad was a very popular person with great business skills and great career He had his own sewing machine and record label, petrol station, 20 cars  etc. "Nobody could challenge him"- my husband says it all the time.
None of his wives could raise her voice for him.


So this is our backgrounds. Now you can imagine how difficult for me to follow my husband all the time, even when I'm sure he's not right. VERY DIFFICULT. We are confronting occasionally when I make my own financial decisions that he doesn't agree with and when he doesn't want to listen to me because he thinks I don't respect him enough by saying my opinion all the time.

I don't think marriage is easier with a European or in general with a white man. It's all about attitude. Upbringing is not excuse. I believe we can all learn how to create a happy marriage in all time. IT'S ALL ABOUT ATTITUDE.

2 comments:

  1. I really love you guys. The reason I know you are free and the reason I know your spouse knows he cannot control who you is because you post your truths on your blog. Your honesty is what he loves about you. That being said, I know you two will come to an understanding despite the cultural differences. My spouse had to adjust to me. It was not easy. You are right, it is attitude. It is about believing in equality of thought and expression. It is about respect. I forwarded your blog to my spouse. We can usually tell which couples will make it. It is never easy. It is called give and take. You and your spouse have what it takes to have a successful partnership. Nigerians who are stuck up and controlling do not have happy wives. I have seen brother in laws marriages end with Nigerian wives and wives of different cultural s and races. These women loved my brothers and would do anything for them. Still, they walked away because the control and lack of emotional support was too much. The marriages that are strong are the marriages where the husband and wife are free of thought and expression. I would like to see both you and your spouse continue expressing yourselves. Always support one another. If one is more upset than the other and what they are saying makes sense, We try to understand where the other is coming from. If one of us is coming from a good place, we really consider the others feelings. I know my spouse loves money in the bank. He does not spend because he cares about our security. It makes sense especially because I always give my things away to those in need or as a gift. I finally listened to him ( 10 Yrs.) which allowed us to have more security for emergencies or savings.

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  2. Sprry. I meant who your are is because....

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